Kitchen Casanova was looking forward so much to two weeks of international sporting action that he invested in a 42-inch plasma TV for the kitchen so he could indulge two of his great passions simultaneously.
Never far from the AGA, he is now able to create the most delicious dishes while keeping a close eye on what’s happening in London.
In reality, however, Kitchen Casanova is not terribly interested in who runs fastest, jumps highest or throws the farthest. For him, it’s much more about which of the female athletes looks the prettiest.
Oh, the elegance of the ladies in the equestrian disciplines, the toned, suntanned beauty of the beach volleyball teams and the sheer athleticism of a bevy of track and field athletes.
Kitchen Casanova doesn’t even root for his country. While others will have one eye on the lap timer, the world record times or the judges’ scores, he will be rating competitors for the nicest smile or indeed the best legs.
This, however, is all done privately. When Kitchen Casanova is entertaining a lady friend things change somewhat. Then, accompanying fine wine and dishes worthy of a Michelin star, he will regale his guest with an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of whichever sport is featuring highly that day.
And, rather than betraying his true and rather outdated views of female athletes, he will instead launch something of a candlelit charm offensive with statements such as “I can see you winning gold with eyes as beautiful as yours”.